DIRRER (Digital Image Recognition Restoration Enhancement Research)

New technologies have left Hull behind. In the wake of this changing economy has come poverty, social decay and crime. This is a story about a cop named DIRRER, and his crime fighting imaging software

Police Chief O'Connor: Welcome to the force, DIRRER
DIRRER: ++DIRRER++





DIRRER: ++I SEE NO LINES ON YOUR FACE. I AM DIRRER++
Police Chief O'Connor: Do you never rest, DIRRER?
DIRRER: ++NEGATIVE++





Police Chief O'Connor: I'd like to introduce you to your new partner, DIRRER
DIRRER: ++DIRRER WORKS ALONE++

INT. POLICE STATION. DAY D.I. WHUSTLE: Dirrer, we have this picture of the suspect. Could you run it through your databanks and identify him? DIRRER CHANGES THE TINT OF THE PICTURE, SLIGHTLY D.I. WHUSTLE: That's...that's very helpful, Dirrer.

D.I. WHUSTLE: Dammit Dirrer, I can't have you running around changing the tint of every drug dealer's car window in town. You're off the case! DIRRER: ++DIRRER DOES WHAT IT TAKES TO GET THE JOB DONE++ D.I. WHUSTLE: You won't have no job if you carry on like this! DIRRER wheels out of the room, making the door translucent as he goes

DIRRER: ++HALT++



DIRRER: ++VICTORY FOR DIRRER++

D.I. WHUSTLE: Dammit Dirrer, you can't just go attacking the Chief! DIRRER: ++DIRRER DOES WHAT IT TAKES TO GET THE JOB DONE++ D.I. WHUSTLE: You need to bring me proof! DIRRER: ++FACIAL ANALYSIS SUGGESTS CHIEF 94% EVIL++ D.I. WHUSTLE: No court in the land will convict on evidence like that!

Police Chief O'Connor: You can't arrest me, Dirrer! You don't have any proof!
DIRRER: ++ACQUIRING EVIDENCE++



DIRRER: ++ACQUIRED FINGERPRINT SAMPLE FOR THE BOYS IN THE LAB++





Police Chief o'Connor: And now, DIRRER, I will create an evil DIRRER, using your own image altering techniques!
DIRRER: ++NEVER++



DIRRER: ++I AM EVIL DIRRER++
Police Chief O'Connor: Hahahahahaha!

D.I. WHUSTLE: Dammit, DIRRER! How did you know the Chief was evil? DIRRER: ++CHIEF HAS TRANSFERRED EVIL INTO EVIL DIRRER++ D.I. WHUSTLE: Dammit, DIRRER! I have no idea what you're talking about! DIRRER: ++CHIEF IS INNOCENT++ D.I. Whustle: Dammit, DIRRER! Its too late for that now. He's already on his way to the electric chair. On your evidence!

DIRRER: ++I AM HERE TO RESCUE YOU. I AM DIRRER++
Police Chief O'Connor: DIRRER! Activate the pump. It's our only chance!



Police Chief O'Connor: Hooray!





Police Chief O'Connor: DIRRER! We must run! EVIL DIRRER is on our tails!
EVIL DIRRER: ++I AM GOING TO GET YOU, DIRRER!++





Temporary Police Chief McPipeHelm: Dammit, Dirrer! You're a maverick! And I won't have mavericks on my force!











Temporary Police Chief McPipeHelm: Hahahahahaha!
DIRRER: ++HA HA HA++
Temporary Police Chief McPipeHelm: Welcome back to the force, DIRRER!





Sergeant Tranter: Dirrer, this bag of meat needs to be analysed.
DIRRER: ++ACTIVATING ANALYSIS BEAM++





DIRRER: ++NOW DIRRER HAS THE MEAT++

Reinstated Police Chief O'Connor: Dammit DIRRER, you may get results, but you cut a hell of a lot of corners! The penpushers up at City Hall are getting restless. I'm going to have to take you off the case. I'm sorry, DIRRER. You're on desk duty from now on.

Reinstated Police Chief O'Connor: You'll have to hand in your copy of Photoshop, DIRRER



Reinstated Police Chief O'Connor: And the other one!



Reinstated Police Chief O'Connor: I'm sorry, DIRRER



Reinstated Police Chief O'Connor: Hey, DIRRER! What are you doing? I'm one of the good guys! I fought your corner!



Reinstated Police Chief O'Connor: DIRRER!







Police Chief O'Connor: Welcome back, DIRRER! Its good to have you here, again
DIRRER: ++TERRORIST DETECTED++



Police Chief O'Connor: No, DIRRER! I'm your boss, dammit!
DIRRER: ++ACTIVATE SHRINK RAY++



Police Chief O'Connor: DIRRER! What have you done?
DIRRER: ++TERRORIST THREAT NEUTRALISED++



Police Chief O'Connor: Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!







A FEW YEARS LATER...

Retired Police Chief O'Connor: DIRRER! You're alive!
DIRRER: ++DIRRER NEED LOVE++







THE END